Oh, damn. Did I say I’d be back before the month was out? Looks like all that talking about accountability that I did back when I started the blog is coming back to bite me in the ass.
I’m lagging, y’all, and I admit it. While I’m confessing, I need you to know that I started my ab workout on Tuesday night and gave up after ten minutes. I went and ate and then promptly passed out from exhaustion half an hour later.
Now, here’s one thing I realized. Month 1 of the 8-week transformation was centered around my working out and gaining weight. And although I’ve totally gotten behind with my working out, month 2 has still been about transformation. I’ve just been hauling ass trying to find a job and doing these “employment workshops”. Basically, I’m in The System now. My focus is on getting out of it. I’ll have to blog about it some other time, but I’ll very briefly say that I think The System is designed to keep you lower class. So I struggle with that. Getting a job has proved harder than I thought it would be. When I was childless, I was able to be very flexible with my work hours. Now, as a single mom, nights-weekends-holidays are out of the question. I don’t have the luxury of family nearby that could help me out in that respect. And the jobs that I’m qualifyed for, have experience in? All need you to work nights-weekends-holidays. I’ve finally had to lower my salary expectation and try for other jobs that I’m overqualified for because of location and scheduling. I did aim for the stars and tried to get a writing job with a site that I frequent since I saw they needed a new writer, but no cigar.
Anyhow—-month 2 has been about another kind of strength training. It’s definitely been about enduring all I possibly can, about struggling through. It’s been about pushing, fighting, sweating, hurting—-doing things I feared having to face. It’s been about days where I’ve broken down crying wondering how much more I can take, feeling like I don’t want to do all this anymore. And realizing that this is LIFE. This is all necessary. And as the saying goes, you can either give up, give in, or give it all you’ve got.” Guess which one I’m doing?
